We found out that the reason our orders have not yet arrived is becasue Spencer's EFMP statis has not been updated in 3 years. So this morning I called the hospital to make an appointment. I was on the phone explaining the situation to the receptionist when Spencer burst into tears and ran out of the room. I finished the appointment making process and then went up to find him. He was in his room sobbing- literally, he could hardly breathe. I tried to talk to him and he got really angry. I tried to explain to him why we needed the appointment and assured him it would not involve any invasive procedures but the more I tried to help him understand the worse it got. He said he would not go to the doctor NO MATTER WHAT! I decided to give him a chance to cool off since our conversation was making him angry and me sad.I feel terrible becasue I don't know how to help him. I want to be compassionate and understanding but I also want to be honest with him. I want him to understand that everyone has limits and problems and trials and heartache and that this just happens to be one the of his. I want to teach him to be educated and informed about his food allergies. I want to teach him to deal with his feelings in a positive way. I want to teach him to be proactive about any problem he faces and not wally in sadness or anger. I want to teach him all this things but I can't becasue right now the hurt inside his hear is bigger than any kind of logic I can put in his brain. It is just so hard to watch.
If anyone has ideas or references for helping kids understand and deal with their own disabilities / limitations- I would love to know!
Lanette - Never Give Up! | March 3, 2010 at 7:48 PM
First of all this is not that out of the ordinary for a "normal" hormones are raging pre-teen. Take a deep breath and realize he's starting to separate - wanting to be a baby and taken care of but feeling the need to be his own man.
I've heard there is a rebelion time for kids with health issues like diabetes where they get sick of being different and careful. Unfortunately it can be life threatening but I'm sure Spencer knows his limitations and doesn't want to be sick.
Just love him and let him figure it out - Set the appointment and tell him when it is - he'll adjust. He still needs to know you're in charge and will do what is best for him. Meanwhile you're doing a great job - aren't boys fun??
Bonnie | March 3, 2010 at 10:19 PM
When I think about this it breaks my heart for him. I think my only advice would be to try to understand why he is feeling so devastated by this??
Could it be he feels responsible for holding up the orders, or is it he is feeling out of sorts about having to move again and maybe starting over making new friends? Is there something or someone in Italy he doesn't want to leave behind? Is he afraid now about his health issues? Or just generally afraid of doctors?
The crying seems to be one of extreme sadness or fear, not just being obstinate. I hope you can gently find your way to the core of it. Because we know one way or the other he will have to go to the doctor.
Poor little Spence, like every Gramma on the planet I just want to take it away for him but that is not the plan. He'll be OK, Honey...find your patience and then find the loose brick and then discover the real reason for the tears. I know you can do it, you are a fantastic mother!
laura.elizabeth | March 4, 2010 at 2:54 AM
Thanks Ladies,
I know you are right. It is important for me to maintain a proper perspective becasue right it is hard for him to keeps his emotions in check. I think we all need people who remain are grounded like that when we are struggling.
I think we have a combination of all kind of things going on right now (many of the things both of you mentioned) but I think the root of the problem is unresolved feeling about his allergies. For all these years he has been careful and obedient and has tried to be "cool" about the whole thing but I think deep down there are feelings of anger and sadness and lose and fear that have been festering. I think his feelings need to be expressed and dealt with in a in a mater a fact way.
Anyway, Robert and I are taking him on a special "date" this weekend (we are going to the one restaurant in Italy were he can actually eat) and we are going to have a heart to heart with him.
I imagine that it will be hard for all of us (I have lots of unresolved feelings about it too) but I also know, like many types of emotional healing, it is going to get worse before it gets better. I just feel like now is the time. He is old enough to express himself and to understand our concern but not too old to not want to listen or trust in our care.
Anyway, say an extra prayer for us and for him this week. I know the Lord love Spencer and will use us (even in our weakness) to help him.