This morning we read a portion of the scriptures that referred to the story of Adam and Eve. After we were done Spencer asked, "So Mom, what is the deal with Adam and Eve again?" Apparently it had been a while since we talked about it so I told him I would tell him the story on the way to school. Once we got in the car I started in with the whole story from the beginning. The boys were really attentive and I thought things were going really well. When I get to the part where Adam and Eve were "cast out" of the garden Spencer asked in all seriousness, "Mom, how did they know where to find the exit?" Oh Spencer! We all laughed! I tired to get things back on track hoping that maybe they would learn something important. But then we get to the part where Adam and Ever wonder in the wilderness and build an alter seeking direction from God. And Ross said, "Well, if God was in the garden... and Adam wanted to talk to him... why didn't he just go yell over the fence." OH ROSS! So much for learning something important.

Why are kids so funny?! Seriously, I have read about, pondered on, and been taught this story a thousand times in my life and never once have I even considered these questions. Oh, to be a child again!

We made some great memories last week in Germany- take a look!

Birthday Party in a BackpackSpencer's 10th birthday was the day after we left so I thought it would be fun to have his birthday party as we drove. I filled his pack back with 10 gifts and let him open one each hour. Here is a picture of Spencer opening one of his gifts- I think he liked it, don't you?!

The Zoo

We visited the Zoo in Stuttgart and loved it. There were so many things we enjoyed seeing but the monkey's were without question every one's favorite. However, I decided to share a picture of the zebra's because they were the last animal we saw and for three hours after seeing them Spencer and I discussed whither zebras are black with white stripes or white with black stripes. It was a head spinning- Spencer- sort of conversation and I thought since you weren't there to enjoy it- you might enjoy seeing the animals that started it all!

Mineral Bath / Pool Complex

This was perhaps one of my favorite parts of the trip. The building the boys are standing in front of contains 6 indoor pools, a mineral bath and three water slides! It was awesome. We decided to go one day because it was raining and ending up staying ALL day. It was so much fun we went again one evening after Robert got off of work.

Botanical Gardens

The botanical gardens were breathtaking- really. They had an entire green house devoted to each kind of flower. This was taken in the hydrangea building- isn't it lovely? My favorite part is artists. I am so going to sit in a green house of hydrangea's when I am old and paint the day away!

The Mercedes- Benz Museum

We decided to take the boys to the Mercedes-Benz museum because we had heard good things about it but to be honest, I wasn't very excited. I mean, I don't like cars and I don't like museums BUT it was so cool! The museum displayed the progression of cars through history and even had model cars of things they expect to produce in the future. It was great. Anyway, I had a really hard time picking my favorite car- they were all so cool but here it is- the cheery red roadster. The sign said it was "popular among the stars" and "among the most expensive cars Mercedes-Benz ever made". It figures, hu?

The View from our Hotel in Stuttgart
We spent 6 nights in our hotel in Stuttgart and it was wonderful. Every thing was clean and comfortable- they even gave us a microwave so we could cook in our room. The best part for me though was the view- isn't it beautiful?

Lego Land

There just aren't words to describe the anticipation, excitement, sheer joy Spencer and Ross expressed at Legoland. They were thrilled about everything the entire day. They loved the roller coasters and the model cities but I think picking souvenirs was their favorite part of the day! In the Lego factory they have bins and bins full of every Lego piece ever made in every color imaginable. I must admit it was pretty cool.

German / Austrian Alps
We spent a few night in a place called Garmisch Germany. It is a resort town at the foot on the German / Austrian Alps and oh my goodness people- it was amazing! I am a total mountain person anyway but this place was beyond beautiful. In fact, it was so amazing I am adding it to my list of places to run away to. In addition to being beautiful and cozy- there were a jillion fun things to do. There was hiking, biking, rock climbing, rafting, canyoning, horseback riding and of course, skiing in the winter. Anyway, above it the view of the mountains from our room.

Swarovski Crystal FactoryThis was an interesting place- not at all what we imagined and to be honest a little disappointing. They did have an entire wall of crystals though (which the boys are standing in front of (doesn't Robert look thrilled)) and a beautiful gift shop (which provided about an hour of owing and awing from me (I don't have a picture of that but I imagine Robert face would have been much the same)). Overall it was a "been there, done that" kind of experience- definitely not something we plan to do again.

Neuschwanstiens Castle

This Castle was the pattern after which the famous Disney Castle was designed. It was amazing. The inside was incredible but the outside and surrounding area were spectacular. The castle is high up on a hill accessible only by shuttle, horse drawn carriage or hiking. We purchased our tickets before we realized this and HAD to take the horse drawn carriage to make our tours on time. Shoot, I hate it when they happens. There were no shuttles or carriages when we were done so got to hike back to the car through the beautiful forest.

Frankfort Germany TempleWe ended our trip by spending two days in Frankfort at the Temple. It was a quite, peaceful ending to our trip together as a family.

Driving Home

It never ceases to amaze me how kids can sleep in positions like that... but they do. Our trip home was long and hard but the boys did great. It is always a little disappointing to come back to Italy when we have been out and about the rest of Europe. Naples is just such a sad place but we are managing. Our Naples sponsor and friend once said, "the best this about Naples is all of the places you can go from here." At the time I laughed and hoped that he was just kidding but I am beginning to think he is right.

Anyway, it was a great memory making vacation for us. Thanks for reading!

Well we are on the road again this time to Germany and Austria- we are so excited! I would promise lots of great pictures and funny stories when we return but my promising that is like a jinks of some sort. Every time I do something happens- the camera breaks or gets lost, the laptop dies, there is no internet connect, I accidentally erase all of our trip pictures, AHHHH! So... no promises- maybe I'll outsmart luck this time! We'll be in touch soon.

What I know for Sure

about Womanhood and Motherhood
(Hey, I figure if Oprah and Sheri can do it- then I can do it too)

•Satan has waged war on womanhood and motherhood. He has used every tactic imaginable to deceive us about who really we are and what our purpose in life really is. He works not only to deceive women about their role but also to deceive men about women’s divine role.

Sheri Dew: Have you ever wondered why prophets have taught the doctrine of motherhood—and it is doctrine—again and again? I have. I have thought long and hard about the work of the women of God. And I have wrestled with what the doctrine of motherhood means for all of us. This issue has driven me to my knees, to the scriptures, and to the temple—all of which teach an ennobling doctrine regarding our most crucial role as women. It is a doctrine about which we must be clear if we hope to stand “steadfast and immovable” regarding the issues that swirl around our gender. For Satan has declared war on motherhood. He knows that those who rock the cradle can rock his earthly empire. And he knows that without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail.

• I know that motherhood has the power to change lives. Not only the lives of our children or those we mother, but it has the profound power to change our lives as well.

David O. McKay: Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness the first assurance that there is love in the world. Mothers sow the seeds in childhood that determine to a great extent life’s harvests in adulthood. A mother who instills into the souls of her children respect for one another and love for motherhood and fatherhood, renders a great service to the Church and to humanity in general. Children from such homes go out into the world as good citizens—citizens who will render the service which their parents have rendered, to fight the battles which their fathers and mothers have fought.

• I know that through womanhood and motherhood we can find true happiness, fulfillment and joy.

Joseph F Smith: There can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from the home, and every effort made to sanctify and preserve its influence is uplifting to those who toil and sacrifice for its establishment. Men and women often seek to substitute some other life for that of the home; they would make themselves believe that the home means restraint; that the highest liberty is the fullest opportunity to move about at will. There is no happiness without service, and there is no service greater than that which converts the home into a divine institution, and which promotes and preserves family life.

• I know that women are blessed with special gifts that make mothering possible.

Gordon B. Hinckley: “God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught that “men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”

• I know that motherhood is more than bearing children. I know that we can mother children we have not born.

Sheri Dew: When we understand the magnitude of motherhood, it becomes clear why prophets have been so protective of woman’s most sacred role. While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” —and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

Sheri Dew: As daughters of our Heavenly Father, and as daughters of Eve, we are all mothers and we have always been mothers. And we each have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation. How will our young women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look like, meaning what we wear, watch, and read; how we fill our time and our minds; how we face temptation and uncertainty; where we find true joy; and why modesty and femininity are hallmarks of righteous women? How will our young men learn to value women of God if we don’t show them the virtue of our virtues? Every one of us has an overarching obligation to model righteous womanhood because our youth may not see it anywhere else.

• I know that motherhood is that hardest thing I have ever done. It requires more selflessness and sacrifice, more time and energy, intelligence and spiritual awareness, patience, love, determination, and faith than anything else I have ever done. I know that being a good mother is different and harder than simply bearing children. I believe that through the process of mothering others we learn and grow and become more like God. I am not sure that there is any other work in life that can compare to the work that true, righteous motherhood requires.


• I know that the love will bless us in our efforts to love and nurture those we are given to mother.

Joseph F Smith: I believe that every mother has the right to … know what to do in her family and in her sphere, over her children, in their guidance and direction; and that mother and every mother possessing that spirit has the gift of revelation, the gift of inspiration and the gift of knowledge, which is the spirit of prophecy, the spirit of discernment, a gift of God to them, to govern their households and lead their children in the path of righteousness and truth.

Happy Mothers Day one and all!

Ross lost a tooth a few days ago. Before he could put it under his pillow however, he misplaced it. This wasn't the first time a lost tooth has been lost so he knew just what to do. He got on the computer and typed the following letter.

Dear Tooth Fairy-

I lost a tooth but I can't find it. And I don't mean this to be rude... but how come you only give kids a dollar? I think five would be better!

Love,
Ross

Oh, Ross! What am I going to do with this kid. Honestly. So, the next morning he eagerly plunged his hand under his pillow and pulled out four quarters. I could tell he was disappointed but he said, "oh well, it was worth a try!" That is so Ross!!

I know, I know- it is supposed to be wordless Wednesday but I just couldn't help myself.

Spencer is celebrating his tenth birthday in just a few days and I really can't believe it! I am so grateful to have this little boy in my life. He is such a good kid- so loving and thoughtful and kind. Oh, he can't be a stinker, don't get me wrong but he really is a tenderhearted child... and I love that!

Shortly after Robert and I were married I was called to serve in the Young Women's organization in our Ward. It was a fun calling becasue I wasn't much oldder than the girls I was teaching. I remember one Mother's day I was asked to give the combined lesson in Young Women's on Motherhood. I thought that was strange since I was the only member of the Presidency who was NOT a mom. But I did it and I am here to tell you that that assignment changed everything.

At that point in my life I had a plan: finish school, work for a few years, buy a house, settle down, start a family. It was a nice, neat, totally organized plan. It was what I had always imagined would happen. BUT I gave the lesson and in preparing for it my heart was softened. I knew with out a doubt that God had something different in mind for me. Not that my plan was bad but that His plan was better. When I gave the lesson that Mother's Day I sobbed the whole way through- I don't think the girls got a thing from it but when I was done I knew that I needed prepare myself to be a mom a lot sooner than I had originally anticipated.

Exactly one year and one day later on May 11th 1999 Spencer was born! What a blessing!!

I have often wondered over the years, did it really matter that he was born when he was? Would it really have made a difference if I had followed my plan and waited a few more years to have children? Well, I guess time has answered that question for me- for variuous reasons over the the last 4 1/2 years we have not been able to have another baby. You see, if I had waited like I had planned I might not ever have known the joy of Motherhood. I might have missed the opperutnity to raise Spencer and Ross. I guess God knows what he is doing afterall.

Anyway, I am grateful for this little boy in my life. I know he is here in our family, right now for a reason. I know that he has something speical to give and something important to learn. I am grateful to be a part of helping him become who God needs him to be. Being his momis a great joy and a blessing!

A few days ago Ross asked me if I had ever seen someone die. I was startled by his question- it seemed completely random to me. But his question was sincere and I wanted to be truthful- so I thought about it. At first I thought of my Grandma and Grandpa and Cousin and Uncle who have all passed away. Thinking of them, their lives and their deaths brought back a flood of memories. And though I felt some sadness- my heart was filled with peaceful about what I had seen and experienced. I shared my feelings with Ross and thought that was the end of it.

BUT THEN I realized that I had seen another person die, a stranger. And I had never really dealt with the trauma of what happened. In fact, I have never really talked about it with anyone. Anyway, I have given this woman and her last minutes in life a lot of thought lately. I have cried about it several times and I think I am finally ready to share what happened.

After Hurricane Katrina hit- the boys and I flew from Jackson Mississippi to Oakland California to stay with my Mom and Dad until things were "livable" in Long Beach again. Our flight left Jackson in the late afternoon and stopped in Huston Texas to switch planes. The boys were little and I was flying with them alone- so I wasn't paying much attention to the other passengers on the flight but I could tell that most of them were just like me- fleeing the hurricane devastated south until things returned to normal. The flight from Huston to Oakland was 4 + hours but it was late at night- the boys were fed and I was hoping / praying that they would fall asleep so I could get some rest. I was exhausted.

Shortly after take off the boys did fall asleep but I didn't get any rest. About 1 hour into the flight Ross woke up and needed to use the bathroom. We walked up the long dark aisle to the restroom and I waited outside while he went potty. The plane was dark and quite and most of the passengers were sleeping. When Ross was done I got him drink and started walking back to my seat when the woman sitting in the front row on the right fell face first out of her seat onto the floor at my feet. I was so surprised. I knelt down and put my face next to hers and asked if she was okay. She did not respond. I could see that she was struggling to breath but she could not talk. I looked around wildly for a flight attendant but they were all in the back of the plane. I waved my hands back and forth but they did not notice me. I yelled HELP! And the whole plane woke up.

They rushed to the front of the plane and tried to decide what to do. I told them she needed CPR. But when she feel half her body was under the seat and the other half was wedged in the aisle- and it took a long time (too long) to get into a position where CPR could be done. By the time she was turned over- her heart had stopped beating. They tried to do chest compressions but it was not working. They had a defibrillator on board and decided to try it but it was in a cabinet that could not be opened because of the way she was laying in the aisle. After 20 minutes or so it was clear to everyone on board that she was dead.

The pilots decided to make an emergency landing but Ross and I were still in the front of the plane and she was still wedged in the aisle. We climbed over the seats back to our seat- my legs felt like jello. As soon as I sat down I felt shaky and sick. I thought, What in the world? Why is this happening to me God? I am tired and scared and alone. Have I not already had enough trauma this week? And then the scripture came to mind, "All these things shall give thee experience and be for thy good." Really, someday this will be for my good? Okay. I'll take that on faith but for now if you could just help me hold myself together until we get home- I'd appreciate it.

The plane landed. An emergency medical crew rushed aboard and confirmed that the woman was dead. An investigation crew came on next, took pictures and documented what happened. They took names and numbers of the people involved. After almost two hours of sitting and waiting on the plane while all of this was taking place, the woman's body was removed and the flight resumed its original course. When the plane landed in Oakland a huge sense of relief washed over me. I expected to cry but I didn't. I just sat in my seat- I could not move. It was only after every other passenger and all of the flight attendants but one had gotten off the plane that I finally started to gather my things. As I was packing up the one remaining flight attendant (the first one to rushed up the aisle to help and the one who had given the CPR) came up to me and asked, "Do you want to know her story?" I really didn't know. Knowing her story might make it harder. He could tell I was conflicted so he said, "I want to tell you her story- is that okay?" I said, "Yes" Here is what he told me.

The woman who died tonight was a native of New Orleans. When she heard that hurricane Katrina was heading her way she wanted to leave but she was house bound so she could not. As the hurricane got closer and closer and it became clear that she could not stay any longer- she was taken to the Super Dome with thousands of other hurricane evacuees. She was in the Super Dome for three days with very little food or water and no medication. Because of her poor health she was one of the first people bused to Houston for medical care. After being in the hospital for 2 days and after being declared "stable enough to fly" she was given a free plane ticket to Oakland California to the home of her mother. She hadn't seen her mom in 13 years.

My heart was broken. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I just stood there is disbelief. And until a few days ago my emotions about this experience were frozen in that moment in time. But I have thought a lot about it over the last few days and here is what I have discovered. God is aware of us. The timing and placement of our time on earth is not accidental- He is over all. The old Testament says there is not a sparrow that falls without His noticing. Certainly this woman, His child did not die without His knowing either. I have discovered that while I may not always understand why things happen the way they do I can have faith that He is working a grander plan for each of us than we are working for ourselves. I have discovered that when I put my trust in Him, in His timing, His plan, His will- I feel peace.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my experiences with the California Junior Miss Pageant. It isn't something I have thought much until now but the more I think about it the more grateful I am to have had the opportunity to compete it in. I remember when I was first approached about participating- I was completely opposed. I am just not a pageant kind of girl. I am not sure who or what changed my mind but I am grateful they / it did!

Here are some of the things I learned:

1. Stage presence is more than just looking good on stage- it is being good in life and using the stage to share that goodness with others.

2. Competition is more about being your best self than being better than someone else. It is possible to be competitive and concerned for those you are competing will.

3. It is possible to do your very best and fail and still feel good about what you have done.

4. The audition begins the moment you step out of your car in the parking lot of the building where the auditions are being held.

5. There are a heck of a lot of people in the world who are WAY more talented than me. And their talent dose not diminish mine. There happiness and success dose not make mine less meaningful.

6. I can do difficult things. There were many times at the State Pageant when I wondered why I was there and thought I should just go home but... I didn't. I stayed and I did the best I could even when I knew there was no chance of winning.

These are just some of the things I have been thinking about lately and some of the reasons I am grateful for the experience. Thanks Mom and Dad for supporting me in it and making it possible for me. I know it was difficult financially and otherwise and I just want you to know that I feel like I am still reaping the benefits of your scarafice. Thanks!

I have recently had an opportunity to be hated by people who I trusted and hope to be able to call friends. So when I read these quotes by Maya Angelou I was more than intrigued.

She says, A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

I have felt that before. I have felt it from others recently BUT (and here is the trouble) I have also felt it in my own heart the last few weeks as a result of others actions.

Maya asks, how do you handle your undercover haters?

Then she offers three wise suggestions. She says you can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are.

2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering that what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation. When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at me...Look at who is in charge of me...'

She also said, When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters... That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed...

From personal experience I know that hate is a kind of poison that hurts those that hold it in their heart. I know that returning hate for hate leads to discouragement and despair. I know that God alone can give us the strength to overcome the feelings of hate we may feel for others. And that it is only with His help we can stand strong in the face of those that hate us. I know that kindness to those that hate us is not always the antidote to solving difficult situations (sometimes it just fuels the fire) but I know that it is always the right answer. I know that peace can be felt in knowing who we are and striving to fulfill our purpose in life no matter what others say or do or feel for us.

For the last few weeks I have been feeling really sorry for myself- for being hated for doing what I believe was the right thing. I have been angry and bitter and ironically full of hate for my haters. I am grateful for the words of Maya Angelou and my knowledge of the gospel- both have helped to restore peace and perspective in my life.

As many of you know I am participating as the music director of a local production of High School Musical. It has been an awesome (albeit tiresome) job. Opening night is Saturday May 2nd and I am thrilled not only to be performing at last but to finally be able to see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Anyway, we had our last dress rehearsal a few nights ago and since Robert is gone the boys were will me. We got home late that night and when I was finally tucking the boys in bed around 10:00 pm Spencer said, "Mom you did a great job tonight." Wow, I thought what a sensitive kid. But before I could say, "Thanks lovey, that is really sweet." He said, "But you don't look like the other kids Mom". Oh boy, this is going to be interesting. "What do you mean?" I ask. "Well... it is just that... you don't look like a teenager." I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. "What can I do to look more teenagery?" I wanted to know. After giving it some thought Spencer suggested that I wear a wig. Right! Ross, who I thought was asleep, chimed in "No you don't need a wig, you just need to die your hair a different color." Okay? I could tell we weren't getting very far with the hair thing so I decided to see if I could get anything else out of them. "Is there anything else that makes me look different?" I asked. "Yeah" said Spencer hesitantly "your face". I needed clarification. "Do mean the expression on my face" I asked hopefully "or my actual face?" "Your actual face Mom." Shoot! "Well, what do you think I should do about that?" I asked starting to feel a little irritated with the conversation. "Well, you could just wear a mask," Spencer suggested sweetly. Mama Mia! Then Ross pipes up again. "No... I've got a better idea Mom- how about you just hide back stage"

Wow, once again I get the startling truth from my boys. The funny thing is I have felt incredibly self conscious about being on stage with the kids from the very day they asked me to do it and now I have it (on good authority) that I look as ridiculous as I feel up there. But what can be done? If I hadn't already cried a good many tears over this show- I might just sit down and cry about it. But the truth is the show must go on- so I better make the best of it!