Yesterday really threw me for a loop especially when I realized that the $1494 we spent on the car was actually going to come from the $1500 we had saved for our Summer vacation to Germany. Leaving us with a grand total of $6 for our family get-a-way. Whaaaa! No seriously... I cried. I have been looking forward to this vacation all summer- river rafting, para sailing, bike riding, the beautiful Austrian Alps. It was intended to be our "reward" for surviving another summer in Naples. So why am I feeling better today, you might ask, when our infuriating car experience is costing us so much more than money? Well, because something remarkable happened today- let me explain.
As soon as I realized that there was nothing we could do about the car but pay the price and move on I felt impressed that we should not go on our trip to Germany. Of course the impression was not a welcome one. I resisted it wholeheartedly. The more I resisted- the angrier I felt. Last night I talked to Robert about it and he said he thought we should still try to go (because he was actually able to get the time off and he knew how desperately I want to go). But even with his assurance that everything would be okay- the feeling to stay home persisted.
So today after church I brought it up again. We sat down and went over the costs associated with the trip. We looked at the travel budget (minus the car expense) and realized that we would not have enough money in the budget to pay cash for the trip. My heart sank- we had a decision to make. I was overcome with anger and disappointment- how unfair that our car troubles would now also cost us our family vacation too! My turmoil remained as we continued to think about how we could make it work. Finally, I realized the "right answer" (though not one I liked) was to stay home. And you know what? The minute we made the decision to cancel our trip, I felt peace. Honestly, it was the most remarkable change in feelings I have ever experienced- it was actually startling! I went from feeling total, all encompassing anger to feeling complete peace.
And what is more... after coming to terms with the situation. I decided to see if there was anything else we could do that week (before Robert canceled his leave). And sure enough I discovered a special training (that I have been wanting to do for a year but never could attend because of scheduling issues) is available that very week. So, tomorrow morning I am signing up first thing.
Unfortunately my time away won't be anything like our dream trip to Germany but it is okay because I am learning that when God closes doors He always opens windows.
Anonymous | August 9, 2009 at 8:06 PM
Well, your car troubles certainly have been unbelievable. I don't know anyone else who has had so many and at such expense! But maybe God was using something you're familiar with! LOL!! I'm so glad things have worked out in the end. I really have missed talking to you lately!! Email me sometime!
Bonnie | August 9, 2009 at 9:37 PM
I have had experiences like this. As soon as I see it was not meant to be that feeling of anger and frustration just vanishes. Then I always wonder if God was protecting us from something unforeseen that we did not need or want to experience. We'll never know for sure but I feel, His will is more important than ours. I wonder if someday we may know and you will find that very car you felt like cursing, blessed your life in ways you cannot even imagine now.
I am glad you found a workshop you can take..that is great. I always think of President Kimball's book...Faith Proceeds the Miracle.