Watching Someone Die

A few days ago Ross asked me if I had ever seen someone die. I was startled by his question- it seemed completely random to me. But his question was sincere and I wanted to be truthful- so I thought about it. At first I thought of my Grandma and Grandpa and Cousin and Uncle who have all passed away. Thinking of them, their lives and their deaths brought back a flood of memories. And though I felt some sadness- my heart was filled with peaceful about what I had seen and experienced. I shared my feelings with Ross and thought that was the end of it.

BUT THEN I realized that I had seen another person die, a stranger. And I had never really dealt with the trauma of what happened. In fact, I have never really talked about it with anyone. Anyway, I have given this woman and her last minutes in life a lot of thought lately. I have cried about it several times and I think I am finally ready to share what happened.

After Hurricane Katrina hit- the boys and I flew from Jackson Mississippi to Oakland California to stay with my Mom and Dad until things were "livable" in Long Beach again. Our flight left Jackson in the late afternoon and stopped in Huston Texas to switch planes. The boys were little and I was flying with them alone- so I wasn't paying much attention to the other passengers on the flight but I could tell that most of them were just like me- fleeing the hurricane devastated south until things returned to normal. The flight from Huston to Oakland was 4 + hours but it was late at night- the boys were fed and I was hoping / praying that they would fall asleep so I could get some rest. I was exhausted.

Shortly after take off the boys did fall asleep but I didn't get any rest. About 1 hour into the flight Ross woke up and needed to use the bathroom. We walked up the long dark aisle to the restroom and I waited outside while he went potty. The plane was dark and quite and most of the passengers were sleeping. When Ross was done I got him drink and started walking back to my seat when the woman sitting in the front row on the right fell face first out of her seat onto the floor at my feet. I was so surprised. I knelt down and put my face next to hers and asked if she was okay. She did not respond. I could see that she was struggling to breath but she could not talk. I looked around wildly for a flight attendant but they were all in the back of the plane. I waved my hands back and forth but they did not notice me. I yelled HELP! And the whole plane woke up.

They rushed to the front of the plane and tried to decide what to do. I told them she needed CPR. But when she feel half her body was under the seat and the other half was wedged in the aisle- and it took a long time (too long) to get into a position where CPR could be done. By the time she was turned over- her heart had stopped beating. They tried to do chest compressions but it was not working. They had a defibrillator on board and decided to try it but it was in a cabinet that could not be opened because of the way she was laying in the aisle. After 20 minutes or so it was clear to everyone on board that she was dead.

The pilots decided to make an emergency landing but Ross and I were still in the front of the plane and she was still wedged in the aisle. We climbed over the seats back to our seat- my legs felt like jello. As soon as I sat down I felt shaky and sick. I thought, What in the world? Why is this happening to me God? I am tired and scared and alone. Have I not already had enough trauma this week? And then the scripture came to mind, "All these things shall give thee experience and be for thy good." Really, someday this will be for my good? Okay. I'll take that on faith but for now if you could just help me hold myself together until we get home- I'd appreciate it.

The plane landed. An emergency medical crew rushed aboard and confirmed that the woman was dead. An investigation crew came on next, took pictures and documented what happened. They took names and numbers of the people involved. After almost two hours of sitting and waiting on the plane while all of this was taking place, the woman's body was removed and the flight resumed its original course. When the plane landed in Oakland a huge sense of relief washed over me. I expected to cry but I didn't. I just sat in my seat- I could not move. It was only after every other passenger and all of the flight attendants but one had gotten off the plane that I finally started to gather my things. As I was packing up the one remaining flight attendant (the first one to rushed up the aisle to help and the one who had given the CPR) came up to me and asked, "Do you want to know her story?" I really didn't know. Knowing her story might make it harder. He could tell I was conflicted so he said, "I want to tell you her story- is that okay?" I said, "Yes" Here is what he told me.

The woman who died tonight was a native of New Orleans. When she heard that hurricane Katrina was heading her way she wanted to leave but she was house bound so she could not. As the hurricane got closer and closer and it became clear that she could not stay any longer- she was taken to the Super Dome with thousands of other hurricane evacuees. She was in the Super Dome for three days with very little food or water and no medication. Because of her poor health she was one of the first people bused to Houston for medical care. After being in the hospital for 2 days and after being declared "stable enough to fly" she was given a free plane ticket to Oakland California to the home of her mother. She hadn't seen her mom in 13 years.

My heart was broken. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I just stood there is disbelief. And until a few days ago my emotions about this experience were frozen in that moment in time. But I have thought a lot about it over the last few days and here is what I have discovered. God is aware of us. The timing and placement of our time on earth is not accidental- He is over all. The old Testament says there is not a sparrow that falls without His noticing. Certainly this woman, His child did not die without His knowing either. I have discovered that while I may not always understand why things happen the way they do I can have faith that He is working a grander plan for each of us than we are working for ourselves. I have discovered that when I put my trust in Him, in His timing, His plan, His will- I feel peace.